Mood:  hug me

What the fuck is wrong with me or her or whom ever is doing this? Seriously. I'm so sick of her yelling and yelling and yelling at me. It's like her soul purpose in life is to make me feel like shit and tell me things like, "OH! You're such a worthless piece of shit and I hate you and I wish you would just get the hell out of my fucking life, because I hate you and shit like that." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! She's such a bitch! Why does my mom have to do that? Is it because I'm not her little slave? Huh? Or is it because I was the UNWANTED child that just sort of happened? Or maybe because I'm not her little boy, like my fucking ass hole of a brother! FUCK! I fucking hate her bullshit! She's such a stuck up little bitch and I wish she would just take a long look in the mirror and see how she is before she starts lecturing ME! She calls ME lazy, well... SHE SHOULD LOOK IN A FUCKING MORROR FOR FUCKING ONCE! She pisses me off SO much! She's all like, "Oh! My life is SO hard and you ungratful brat of a daughter do NOTHING for me!" Yeah, well, FUCK YOU! Seriously! When she yells at me she has to continue. She goes on and on for about an hour, so I just LEAVE! She annoys the HELL out of me! She bitches about how hard SHE works... YEAH RIGHT! All she does is babysit for awhile. Nothing that can even be called REAL WORK. She's just a bitch. She whines and cries for the STUPIDEST freaking reasons. Well, personally, I'm done. I know I've said it before, but I mean it this time. I'm just to the EDGE of my breaking point. I can't DEAL with her anymore. DAMN! I CUT myself because of her! Is that what she wants? For meto Kill myself so It's not consideredmurder on her part? Huh? HUH??? It's fucking stupid, and I'm not gonna deal with her shit.

~Demon~

Mood:  don't ask

So anyway... Hello. Yeah. My Granpa woke me up this morning. In fact... It's about 9:30am. UGH! I was up until 2:30am last night! Well.... ANyway.... since he woke me up, I couldn't really get back to sleep, so I just got up. I have yet to take my daily morning shower. I usually do that when I first wake up. No really! When I wake up, I grab my towel and head to the bathroom. I wonder how my friends are gonna get used to that...?

Well anyway, since I was up, I decided to do a little research on some stuff.  For Tora-con, I mean. So.... I looked up what Kaname looks like. Our friend Zach is going as Kaname, but I kinda question why! The costume is so hard, and yet Tora-con is only 2 1/2 months away! COME ON! We cannot manage that, okay?? He picked one hell of a cosplay. Granted, it doesn't seem that hard, because it really doesn't have all that much details and what not, but when you get down to it.... It's hard.... Oh yeah. You can believe that!!! The pants are simple. White dress pants. Granted Those in themselves are gonna be hard to find. The shirt is slightly more complex, however. At first glance it doesn't seem all THAT hard, but think about it! Making it? It has to be a certain way! It can't really be just some long sleeve shirt we found at wally-world in which we put stripes on it. =_= YEAH! NO! Not easy. I just hope he can get it all done in time.

I'm also worried about myself... I know I've been getting down people's throats about their cosplay, and I really don't have much room to talk here. I'm not done with MY cosplay. -_- I mean... I'm getting there, I just need some help here and there. My friend Rose (Family friend) is helping me to make it. She seems really enthusiastic about it! She's upsessing over how to make the shirt that Seras' wears! It's both kinda funny and really nice. I say nice because then I know that she's trying to help me instead of just helping me once and leaving it at that, ya know? Anyway, I'm concerned about that getting done.....

OH! And my GF has yet to get her cosplay done! Which remindes me... I have to e-mail those guys again. I told her about how these guys will make her cosplay for her and she seemed slightly interested. She's really not all that into it like Remus, Kibbles, and I are. It's not a BAD thing, I just don't want her to ditch us again. We were all a little sad about that. Really I'm asking those guys to make the Alucard Jacket. Everything else is easily found! In the prop room... at school.... I love that Prop room! We found our halloween costumes down there!!! XD TWAS AWESOME!

Another thing I'm a little worried about is Kibbles cosplay. She's going at Pip and had almost NOTHING! She's constantly saying that it's easy, but I know it's not. Pip SEEMS easy, but really, it's pretty hard. I kinda wanna go thrift shop hunting again. The only problem is, there's no thrift shops near us! SO we have to take a trip down to different towns and look there. We know of a few towns with pretty good thrift shops, but they are still a ways away. And we STILL have to find the stuff for Kyle (Kibbles little brother). He's going as Tamaki from Ouran High. A lot of us think he should be Honey instead, but whatever. Actually... everyone sorrda PUSHED him to be Tamaki. He was saying that he did't care either which way, ya know? But I think he does. I think he just realizes that we are Fan-girls and thus know what shall get him glomped... He likes to be glomped, I know it! XD HA HA HA HA!!!

Well.... Those are all my stupid Tora-con worries. I have one less now, though. I sent in my pre-reg form! YAY! So I was happy about that. ^w^ Now I don't have to worry about it getting there in time. The only thing I'm worried about is my wig. I just ordered it and I'm hoping it gets here before tora-con. =_=

~Demon~

Mood:  not sure

Hello once more... UGH! It's 11:09pm and I'm suppose to be in bed. I just can't sleep, though. *Sigh* Dunno why, I just can't. Or, more like, I don't THINK I can. Oh well.... Whatever.

Today went pretty good. It wasn't all THAT bad, but whatever. It wasn't as bad as yesterday, so that was good. ^^ I was happy about that. I was a little worried that it would be horrid like it was yesterday. UGH! HA HA! Well anyway, today went prety normal, all in all. I had to lifeguard, but that wasn't a problem. ^___^

Well after I got home from Lifeguarding, Remus sent me some addresses of houses she wanted me to look at. I did... They aren't too bad. You see, what's going on is Remus wants to move into a house with Kibbles and I. I personally don't care (Okay, I care a little...). I suppose the reason why I even SLIGHTLY care is because I kinda want to move into a house with BR. Ya know... If things really do pan out. ^__^ But living with Remus and Kibbles isn't a bad thing or anything! I love them and I do wanna live with them, it's just... eventually I wanna take another step up and live with BR. I need to tell Remus that, but she's so dead set on this. I feel bad if I say that it's not something I have in mind about 15 years from now. 

Ontop of that I STILL need a job. I don't have one and neither does she or Kibbles. How does she expect we'll be paying for a house when we don't even have an income? HUH? No, seriously. I wanna get a job and be secure at it before I jump into buying a house. Why? Because I'm gonna be paying 1/3rd of the rent for the house! =_= Not... fun.... I'm also looking into college. That's another thing. Remus wants to move into a house in about 2 years... When everyone is going to college. So we have to find a house that is between all our colleges. I HOPE I GET ACCEPTED INTO RIT! That's wherr I really wanna go. Then Remus wants to go to Roberts.... But we might nit go to THOSE colleges. We might go to others like AU or MCC or Alfred State... Stuff like that. She's very determinded, though. I give her that. She's good at it. *Sigh* I'm just so worried. I want things to work out in the end, but I just don't know. *SIGH* 

Well... .That's my tid bit for today. I really don't have anything else to say... REALLY! So.... Bye Bye.....

~Demon~

Mood:  lazy

Ugh. What a DAY! Seriously!!! Today was hellish and stressful. It started out pretty Bleh. I kinda miss Alex... It feels weird without him, ya know? Well, that's beside the point. Then it just kinda went all down. It was a slow slop down, but the day was gloomy, so my mind set was all gloomy and just BLEH! I wanted the sun to be out, but I guess we can't all get what we want. *Shrugs* Then towards the end of the day, things started getting worse. What I mean is everyone was starting to get in a bad mood! Here's the story:

So like I said, my day started out bleh. Nothing really special or big going on, just all kindda BLEH! Normal... But then the day started going down hill and stuff. I was getting pissed a lot. My Boces Class was sort of a bitch. My teacher wasn't being understanding and I didn't want to deal with all the people. Well... I get on the bus to go back to my home school and all is okay, until I start talking to Remus' about the whole "Limo" Thing. SHE'S SO STUBBORN! SERIOUSLY! A limo will save us gas and time in the end. Plus not a lot of parents are gonna wanna bring us into the city at 7:30am. =_= She claims she's not being stubborn, but she is. It'll be FINE! Being in a limo is not that big a deal, but she's making it out to be that way. It's pretty stupid if you ask me. *Sigh* She's just irratating sometimes, but I still love her. She's my awesomely great friend. 

When we got back to the school we were SUPPOSE to have a Tora-con meeting, and originally we had a good chunk of people there, but we didn't have everyone. Adam was recording with his band, so we let him be, but Brittany was off trying to type up her script for her group. That was fine. It was tora-con related, so I didn't have any complaints. SO... Anyway... Tora-con Meeting.... What happened was we ended up meeting outside of the band room. It wasn't that we were outside the bandroom in the hall, it was the fact that no one was even SITTING! That in itself was saying that they just wanted to bolt. UGH! Then MALINDA (The bitch) comes out and says "I'M GONNA GO SWING!" like on the playground? Well... Of course Zach and Lyns are like, "OH! We wanna go too!" I had to tell them that we weren't even done. So then Remus continues (It was HER meeting) and gets a little bit covered, but not much. Then she pauses for like 5 seconds and in those 5 seconds Lyns and Zach run back into the bandroom and out the door to the playgroung. Remus, Kibbles, and I were like, "WTF?". What they did was EXTREMELY rude. I can not tell you how I wanted to just go out that door and yell at them for disrespecting Remus and I like that! Remus got upset, like me. She wasn't SAD, she was pissed, LIKE ME! So we went down to our lockers and grabbed our stuff. Remus had some of her stuff in the bandroom still so we went back to the bandroom for her to get her stuff and low and behold, Lyns and Zach were in there. I was SO PISSED, but I kept my cool. I called them over to me (Remus just left as she does when she's really pissed off) and told them that what they did was disrespectful. She wasn't even DONE! I told them straight out. I know Lyns got pissed at me a little, but I don't really care. It was so rude of them and we really WEREN'T having a good day so far, so that just pushed a lot of us over the edge. This friday, I'll be perfectly clear with them. You can either make an effort to do this, or you can stop waisting our time. I;m done. If this Friday doesn't pan out, then screw it. I'm just saying "It's all up to ou guys. I'm not waisting my time to have you guys just disrespect me. Make an effort, or don't be apart of this. That's their choice.

~Demon~

Mood:  lazy

MEH! I haven't been updating here, have I? I'm sorry. I don't mean to, I just get busy with other things. *Shrugs*

Anyway, my last post was about how I was feeling about the relationship I was in. How I was unsure and a bit uneasy about everything. I mean... I guess I sorrda feel like that, but It's changed a little. I dunno... I guess I just feel a little like I don't understand about EVERYTHING going on. Almost like there's something slightly deeper. *Sigh* I saw her again on Friday. It was great. She wasn't being all 5 feet away from me. HA HA HA! Well... Our Friend Beevin was there and I was afraid that just because he was there she would stay a good 5 feet away from me at all times. She's really worried about people finding out. I don't know why! Everyone knows. HELL! 3/4ths of our school knows, and she just likes to pretend that no one knows. That it's our secret or something. HA HA HA! =_= Don't make me laugh.

Anyway, on another note, tomorrow is National Beat up Kelly Day. It's my favorite day of the year! Boys and Girls from all around gather to beat the hell outta Kelly! XD All in the spirit of abusing Kelly, my friend. X3 It's only a joke, but I have it marked on my calendar, so it's official. Heehee!

Anyway, That's my little bit for today. I really DON'T have much news. It's een pretty quite and what not.... So... Bye!

~Demon~

Hello... Tis I again. Sorry I haven't updated in what seems like forever. I've been busy. Bleh. Anyway, I'm once again depressed. I know this because my options are Cut myself, Suicide, or killing everyone then myself. Yeah. That's usually a sign of depression. (I won't do the last one, so don't worry). I'm alone at home again. *Sigh* I kinda hate being alone. It makes me ancy. It's especially bad since I'm all upset and what not. Anyway, I suppose I should just get over it, it's just annoying when even my GF doesn;t understand me. No one ever does. They hear my complaining and just think I'm being overly dramatic. No... Not even my GF understand that. ESPECIALLY HER! She can get pissed at me, but I can't at her? I have a lot of things to deal with too. A mother that just looks at me like I'm nothing, people just TOLERATING me, being the 3rd wheel, the being ignored... especially being ignored. I have problems too. I didn't mean to make her mad at me. My GF I mean. I just can't believe that I just tell her to call me and she just get PISSED at me!!! She seriously DOESN'T get it.  She doesn't get me. I love her, but doesn't it's like I'm not a PERSON, I'm a THING. A play toy almost. Well... It seems like that. She says, "I'll call" then I don't hear from her for like a month. WHAT AM I TO HER!? I'm DONE! She needs to be honest with me!!! I understand she's busy, but I am too! I have things on my plate too, but I always find time to call her. No. I'm just not important like that! I invite her to come over and hang out becuase she always says, "I wanna hang out with you guys" but then she turns around and gives some excuse to AVOID such a "Horrible fate". Visiting your Girlfriend I guess to her is completely embaressing. SERIOUSLY! I'm working myself into an early grave over her. She needs to prioritize her life and she finds I'm a bother to her like I think I am, then she needs to decided what ahe wants to do. I'm not a THING. I have feelings that are CONSTANTLY crushed by her. Over and Over again... What is it? What's so horribly wrong with me? Maybe I haven't found love.

My life's a hellish Bitch. Looks like I have a lot to sort out.

~Demon~

Mood:  spacey

Hey. I actaully have time to write today. I'm slightly amazed. ^w^ I'm also really tired. *Yawn* So I wont have a lot to say today. I'll just talk about my day, I guess.

Today started out kind of bad. I had Remus' phone taken away. I felt HORRIBLE after that. It was sorrda crappy. It was bad... Then I got to Chemestry and it was okay. Mr. Yang's Class always makes me happy. Mr. Yang is a funny dude. He made a perverted joke about Steven Hawkings and Steven Hawkings' 2 wives. HA HA HA! I was just like, "MR. YANG!" And then we all laughed. Mr.Yang is a great guy. Anyway, after chem we went to Boces and that was really boring. Then we came back to the school and worked on Tora-con stuff. We worked on skits and stuff. Well... Mostly organizing crap. HA HA HA! Then I went to swimming. It was hard, but we have an invitational tomorrow. THAT will not be so fun. It never really is. We're going to have to sit in a gym for half the day. *Sigh* I don't see the fun in that!!!

Anyway, it's almost midnight. I have to get going. I have to go to bed. Well, I'll be writing tomorrow! Bye!

~Demon~

Mood:  hug me

Ugh.... Hey... I sorrda had a bad day. I guess it's the "Female Hormones" God I hate those things... =_= You see, I got really upset and began crying today in swimming. I just sort of broke down. You see I talked to my GF earlier today and I just miss her SO MUCH! She means so much to me. And on top of that my friends have just been getting on my last nerves. I don't know. They just seem to be annoying me. I mean, Remus will out in her headphones whenever I'm trying to talk to her and that just makes me really mad. It's mean! It's like saying, "Sorry, but I REALLY do not want to listen to you". She claimes that she can hear me, but I don't really care. It's rude. And Kibbles does the same thing. Then they end up having these conversations where whenever I try to get into them they completely push me out again. *Sigh* Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever end up being something more then just the 3rd weel. I hate this. Then one one of them always says that THEY are the 3rd weel! HOW?! They always seem to hang out all the time. I mean.... I'm always the backup choice. You see, whenever Kibbles can't have Remus over then she'll call me. And if Remus can't have Kibbles over then she'll call me. W-T-F?!?!?! And they do TELL me this! Which makes me feel like absolute SHIT. Like... I'm just not good enough for them. That I'm just the last choice and only when they are BORED. That really depresses me, and they don't ever see that.

Maybe I'm over reacting, but you seriously need to live in my shoes. =_= Anyway, I have to be off... Bye.

~Demon~

Mood:  blue

Hey... I'm really sad.... As I always am after I talk to BR, my Girlfriend. I called her earlier today and was only able to talk to her for only about 5 minutes. I miss her dearly. She's... My everything.... I miss her so much! And I question a lot of things about our "relationship". Does she love me? Am I a one night stand for her? Will... I ever be able to see her again? Life without her is aliving hell. I hate it. IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I love her! But... If she doesn't love me, then what's the point??? She never calls me. She always ditches me. She's ashamed to be SEEN with me!! What's THAT all about?! I'm more then willing to let the world know that I love her, but she, herself has a lot she needs to work out. I think she needs to get over her fears of being... HERSELF! She's just so ashamed of me. Why? I'll support her decision no matter what. Even if it's breaking up with me. I'll be there for her till the very end, because I love her. I love her. I want to make her happy, even if I'm sad, but I'm not willing to give up so easily. I'll follow her to the ends of the earth and more. BR is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I just wanna be with her. I just wanna run away with her. Just her and me. Us, together, forever. *Sigh* Like that could ever truely be. She's too affraid. She'll never see it my way... Never...

Well, I have to get going. I have school tomorrow, so I have to go nighty night. Bye bye.

~Demon~

Mood:  lazy

Hello peoples. I had a pretty okay day today. ^^ I just got a new cell phone. I'm excited, but at the same time, I'm worried. I wonder if I can keep up with putting minutes onto the phone. TT. TT I hope I can... It would royally suck if I cannot. Meh... I'm tired. *Yawn* Nothing really BIG happened today, but I do have SOME news.

First off, earlier today my friend Remus came up to me and asked me if I knew that our friend (We'll call her "T") was a lesbian. At frist I was just like... What? But then Remus explained to me how T's friends were talking about it and they told her. I was sorrda thinking that maybe they were just being sarcastic.  At the same time, I'm not so sure. =_= I wish it wasn't considered "Rude" to ask people if they were gay or not... But my friend assumed I knew that she was a lesbian because I'm Bi. I don't think T's a lesbian. Bi, maybe, but we never know. Besides who cares?

Hm... Other news? Oh yeah! I wasn't able to swim today, which made me kinda sad. I mean... I think I'll be able to swim tomorrow, but at the same time, I'm not so positive. =_= But anyway... I just watched my friends swim. My friend Remus (Again) was kinda pissed because she had to switch lanes like 5 times. It really pissed her off because she thought they didn't want her in the lane, but it was just them being them! They do it all the time... *Sigh* Oh well, I guess. She was really pissed and got upset. I mean I know how she feels, but... yeah. You see, I KNOW people don't want me in their lane because they end up saying stuff like, "Uh... Why don't you go into THAT lane... We have too many people" and the lane they point to has like 5 more people then the lane I'm in. Seriously. Annoying.

Well overall that was my day. I went to the store with my friends before I went to swimming.... Yeah... We got chips and Mountain Dew. I dunno why... We just did, okay? ^^d Well, talk later! See ya!!

~Demon~